On the flight back to the US from Costa Rica yesterday, it finally hit me.
I’m going to be on the Appalachian Trail in another two days!!
And that’s when the anxiety started creeping in. Dozens of fears and worries immediately flooded my brain.
I’m not packed yet… I still need to shop for food… I need to print out my permit for Smoky Mountain National Park… Why did I decide to schedule a dentist appointment the day before I start the trail?
And on and on, my thoughts went.
And of course, I also wondered aloud, “Why did I think it was a good idea to take a two week vacation to a foreign country just a few days before I needed to get on the trail???”
The more I focused on everything I still needed to do in the next 48 hours, the more my blood pressure seemed to rise. Self-doubt started creeping in. I began to feel unprepared.
Taking a deep breath
As I started spiraling out of control and worrying about my “To Do” list for the next few days, I knew I had to get a hold of myself. There was no reason to panic.
Sure, the Appalachian Trail is a big deal. It’s the longest backcountry trail I’ve attempted… by quite a large margin. The longest distance I’d hiked prior to this was my 550-mile adventure on the Camino de Santiago last autumn. And that was a completely different ballgame.
But, then I reminded myself that I love hiking. I’m going out to thru-hike for my enjoyment. It’s not like I’m attempting something completely off the wall here. This is something I do all the time!
“Take a deep breath and just calm down,” I reasoned. You’ve got this! Focus on one day at a time.
Perspective
The next morning when I got up, I was feeling so much better about all the things I needed to get done before I set out for Amicalola Fall State Park. As I started to work my way down my list, a text arrived from my best friend, Sean.
It said:
“Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Jay’s death. Embrace life and tackle that AT.”
Wow! In all the craziness, I’d almost forgot.
Most of you don’t know Jay, so let me take a moment to tell you about him. Jay and I served in the Army together for more than 20 years, and our paths crossed quite a bit.
Jay was one of those cool outdoor people I always loved to hang out with. He enjoyed hiking, biking, running, and just being outside. He’d often build camaraderie in his unit by leading canoe trips down nearby rivers. He was just one of those gregarious people who always had a smile on his face.
Two years ago, the three of us (Jay, Sean, and I) all had the same exact job in the Army. We were part of a very small, tight knit group of people. In fact, there were only 8 people in the Army with our specific job title. So, naturally, we were always collaborating and bouncing ideas off each other.
We also loved spending time together after work. The three of us even took a 3-day camping and hiking trip together to Rocky Mountain National Park back in August 2017. (The photo on this top of this blog post is one of the pictures I took during that particular Colorado hiking trip.)
And, truth be told, if any of us was ever going to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail, I’d probably have put my money on Jay to do it.
Unfortunately, Jay was tragically hit by a car and killed while he was out running last year. I still remember getting the phone call from my boss telling me what happened. I was in complete shock. One minute Jay was here and making plans. The next, he was leaving behind a widow and three children.
And while it might be fitting to grieve someone on the anniversary of their death, that’s not what Jay would want. He would my biggest cheerleader, encouraging me to get out there and tackle this dang trail. He’d be so supportive (and maybe a little bit envious) of this awesome adventure I’m about to undertake.
And so, it’s in that spirit that I remember Jay and his love of the outdoors. I want to seize this opportunity with a smile on my face, not spend time worrying about all the little things that might go wrong. After all, I am so very lucky to be here today and to have the opportunity to attempt a thru-hike of the AT.
